Saturday, November 29, 2008

Your On Your Own Bea-och...

"Get that fucking camera out of my face! This is YOUR blog... about me. Not feeling inspired? Well too bad... your on your own today. I'm still coming down from partying with Santa last night at the Festival of Lights. He sure can pack that 'snow.' It was hard for even me to keep up... now turn off that light and shut the god damn door!"

Friday, November 28, 2008

Chicka Boom Muttafucka!



Meet the Monkeys

Hello everybody! Jess here to introduce another monkey. This guy is super special. My sister, Angelina, has always loved him the best. If you know her you know her love of all things bizarre and slightly morbid. Their name is Ling-Ling. At first glance you might not notice anything strange about them...
It's only when you get closer you begin to realize that their a...
Siamese Sock Monkey! Yep, met Ling and Ling. They love to climb trees and be outdoors. They speak barley above a whisper and love to play guitar... well Ling does anyway. They are both really sweet... I'm not to sure how they ended up with us, but I'm glad they did. Sometimes they get the urge to travel to far off exotic lands... but they usually just wonder into the garden if this happens...
Pumpkin pie is their favorite and they hide if they hear Louise's voice, sometimes they hide for weeks. Hope you enjoyed meting them. Bye for now!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Red-Bull Run

And where was Chew-Mee when all this was going on? She/He was off on a Red-Bull Run in the MiG-17F...

In the Pink

After having 10 'Stiff Cocks' (six were drinks and the other four she got from some bikers on top of the the pool table) Louise heads home. Just as she gets there she hears a knock at the door. The guests are all starving and ready to eat, with no dinner to serve Louise sez, "Fuck it, time for plan B." She throws the turkey into the bathtub with five cases of beer (one frozen turkey makes a great ice block) and pulls out a pile of 'Pink Peruvian Flake' and goes for a nose dive. No one eats yet no one goes home hungry. The arriving guests....

Yep that's the way it goes when you have Thanksgiving with Louise, the only really disgusting thing is that she has been using the same turkey for the past 12 years.

Always time for a stiff one

Meanwhile, while Louise is suppose to be getting ready for her holiday guests, she feels the sudden urge for a stiff one. Sneaking out the kitchen window she heads down to 'The Hole'...
'Fire In the Hole' Thanksgiving drink special... today and today only! 'Stiff Cock' martini only two bucks! "Wait a minute... are those roster nuts in my martini? Shit... waiter!"

Iced Turkey...


Ahhh The Holidays...

Yes it's that time of year again. Time to stuff our bellies like swine, then go and buy a bunch of worthless shit that no body really wants or needs. Louise is already spun out thinking about being nice to people so she can get some gifts...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Fire In The Hole !

Jan. 20, 2009 will also be the grand opening of the new Officer's Club "Fire In The Hole" Bar/ Casino/Billiards/ Bordello/ USO Show and Eel Dancing Review...

If you can't come to The Club, The Club can come to you. All HCA Members welcome, PUMA/GOP voters take a Hike!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Look To The Skies....

Not that long ago Japan and the USA were bitter enemies. This past election has shown us that even an Obamabot, and Big Brass of The Hillary Clinton Army, can sit down to have a Red-Bull Sake Bomber together. No matter how many PUMA's would never want to see that happen... So on Jan. 20th 2009 Louise "Struts" Monkey and Chew-Mee "Sake Bomber" Moore are giving The HCA what they need most. Air Power Baby!
Chew-Mee "Sake-Bomber" Moore
So keep your eyes to the skies! Because there will be a Psycho Sock Monkey taking off in her new fighter plane; "Geez Louise" coming soon...

Back then Louise would just smoke cigars, drink cokes, cuss and kill things. Till the day she got wasted on "Flying Tigers"

1 ¾ oz light rum (Havana Club)
½ oz gin (Plymouth)
¼ oz grenadine (homemade)
1 dash aromatic bitters

Try one today!

Monday, November 24, 2008


Hard times? Out of work? Living on the street becuase the housing market is in the shitter? Sick of eating cat food and drinking toilet water? Out of cash? Well I say fuck it! Print your own...

For only $999.99 I'll make you Rich Bitch! So don't delay order'THE LOUI$E BUCK$ PRINTING KIT' Today! Send payment to; LOUI$E BUCK$ Inc. Walla Walla, Wa.99362 (1-800-I-AM-RICH)

From the lab...

Of Dr. Von Frankensleaze...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Gimme some tongue fool!

Here's a pic of Louise and Mr. T when they met up again on Halloween of this year. They first met at The Hitching Post back in 1986. That day he was on a horseshoe winning streak and buying everyone rounds of Bud Lite. Louise caught his eye and he asked her to join him for dinner and more drinks in the restaurant next door. They dated for a bit...

Not too sure how it ended, but sometimes late at night when Louise is passed out she will moan his name and make strange noises. I understand, I mean... just look at that tongue of his!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Louise & Chew-Mee Stop The GOP Pt.5 Trixie Hears Her Master's Voice

Enjoying a sunny morning,Trixie is having a breakfast of Reese's peanut butter cups with Mo-Ray. When she hears a plea for help...

Even if it is coming from the depths of Hells Deep and not more than a whisper, It's like a nail gun shooting a message in to Trixie's brain...

Just wanting to go back to her breakfast, she must answer her master's voice and go and rescue that psycho ass sock monkey...

So stuffing the rest of the peanut butter cup into her snout, she grabs Mo-Ray and they take off to find Chew-Mee...
If they are going to Hells Deep to battle The GOP and save that bitch monkey they are going to need some more help. Kind of like "The A Team" on LSD. But first they need to find Chew-Mee because only that eel dancer knows where the others can be found...

So first stop is Mexico to find Chew-Mee, who should still be hung over from the Tesguino party...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Rules Are For Fools

Louise sez only she rules! And that all the other ones are just fuct....

If there was ever to be an AC/DC theme song for Louise it would have to be this one...

"Breaking The Rules"

"Black sheep and a renegade
Hot feet in the cool of the shade
The street jungle and the tough childhoods
Examinations done no good
Got crow bars and hot wired cars
Sneak thieves and cheap cigars
No rebellion not today
I get my kicks in my own way
Right ok
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule

Tough breaks in the neighbourhood
A hard case who's up to no good
Livin' like trash a society rash
Ready to break and ready to dash
A bad deal and a real rough ride
And doin' time on the other side
No rebellion not today
Get my kicks in my own way
Right ok
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule
Tough breaks

Regulation ties
Regulation shoes
Those regulation fools
With the regulation rules
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready to rule
Just keep on breakin' the rules
Breakin' the rules
Get ready
Just keep on breakin' the rules
C'mon get ready
Get ready
Get ready
Ready to rule
Take off your ties
And your regulation shoes
You're nothing but a bunch of regulation fools
And your damn regulation rules
I'm gonna do things my own way
Everyday, everyday,
In everyway
I ain't gonna pay no attention to your rules"

Louise & Chew-Mee Stop The GOP Pt.4 Gettin' It On At Johnny McDrool's Love Shack...

Just as they are about to chop Louise up and make her into Monkey Pate to be fed to The GOP Monster. A voice is heard that sounded so old, it was like it was from the grave...

It looks like Johnny McDrool had taking quite a shine to Louise.He told Neo-Dick and King GW that if they did not give him the monkey right now, he would throw one of his famous hissy fits...

Now we all know Louise's motto; "Any Sex, Any Species, Any Time." But this was too much even for her...

She was now going to have to make some changes in her "Who she will do list." She was now going to have an age limit...

She could not believe that this thing still had a beating heart, and what was with that smell? It was like old cans of tuna, cottage cheese and depends daipers...

She would be his queen...
Realizing that this old greezer was totaly out of his mind, she got to thinking that being made in to Monkey Pate and fed to the GOP was not such a bad idea after all...

Now this really does look like the end for Louise...But wait she just said "Please" twice, a word she never uses. She also said it in such a low voice that only one thing on the planet would be able to hear her...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

"I need a drink..."

"Any tobacco left in that butt?"

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Amos & Gator aka Thelmo & Louise


Hell-oow everybody, Chew-Mee here...I have been working hard on the new "Hill-car" that will take us to Hillary Clinton Island...

Most people don't know that Thelmo and Louise go way back. They used to hunt gators and run moonshine when Louise was hiding out in the bayou. She wore a mustache then and went by the name Gator. He was known to the locals as Amos. Here is an old photo of them back in the day...tink they made movie about dem...XO CM

Here is Louise and I at the Gator Ball 2008. She wore a real gator head and it stunk really bad...CM

Monday, November 17, 2008

HCA Meeting?

Hello all, Jess here to introduce you to the latest member of the family... Thelmo! Here he is snooping around in Louise's HCA meeting bag. Lot's of important papers in there! She would be pissed if she knew...

"He he he he he..."

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Guilty Pleasures

Louise knows all about guilty pleasures. Sometimes in the afternoon when no one is around and the house is quiet, she checks to see if the coast is clear. She draws the curtains tight and turns off all the lights. All holed up and ready to indulge in some guilty pleasures...

First she gets something to sip. She finds a used 44 oz. Big Gulp cup and fills half with everclear and half with creme de meth...

Red Zingers are a must when indulging...

Finally, the main event...The Hillary Clinton Army blog spot... like a good cheese puff, the blog leaves her yearning for more...

She thinks to herself, "If the others found out I was hooked on such a positive, upbeat, futuristic blog they would never let me live it down...I feel so guilty."

"Oh, shit! Who turned on the lights?"