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Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Gimpy Update

By Leigh Carter. Read on...
To Whom I May Concern,
The last two days have been some of the most blissful of my short, doomed existence. After 'Love 23' fastened 23 bottle caps to my limbs, she disposed of me at her neighbor's house. This place is HEAVEN! There's a small child who likes to play with me. Her parents, after seeing my pathetic condition, realized I needed a spa experience like nobody's business. They did pierce my face and cock with safety pins (lovingly, I might add). But, afterwards they let me use their sauna for as long as I wanted. The sauna makes my piercings and bottle caps red-hot. And it BURNS! Also, I'm afraid that my suicide bombs might go off in the heat. Perhaps that would be a blessing. Unfortunately, the nice couple has warned me that I must leave soon as I am a bad influence on the child. Apparently I have a depressing outlook and disturbing attire. I knew they'd dump me. Oh well.

Gimpy

6 comments:

Jess said...

Good job Leigh! Thanks so much!

Louise S. Monkey said...

What! A Sauna! That little motherfucker!

Zongo said...

Nice try putting bottle over his hands, but that little bastard is still getting nailed to the cross when he gets back here!!!

Charlene said...

Wow, a spa experience for Gimpy! What a nice touch. Especially the part where the bottle caps and pins heated up. Gimpy must have loved that. Did he try to give the small child a hug after that? You know...Gimpy can be a bit passive aggressive.

El-Change-O! said...

Hang in there, Gimpy!

Flying Mermaid said...

It was so good to see him in the flesh last night. Gotta admit, I'm gonna be mighty sad to see the little Gimpster go. I mean blow. Underdog worship and all.