Louise Slut Monkey

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Good, The Bad & The Louise

I know this came out in the 60's but I just had to use it....

Bounty Hunter

Hell-oow Charlene, It's Chew-Mee here. Since that psycho bitch monkey tried to pump a load of buckshot in to my face maybe I can help you take her down! For the price of a Chick-O-Stick I'm willing to work for you as a 'Bounty Hunter'

Desperado

Charlene, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now. Oh, you're a hard one I know that you got your reasons. These things that are pleasin you can hurt you some how.Don't you draw the Queen of Bisbee, she'll beat you if she's able.

Knocking on Heaven's Door

Mama, take this badge off of me, I can't use it anymore. It's gettin' dark, too dark for me to seeI feel like I'm knockin' on Charlene's door. Knock, knock, knockin' on Charlene's door. Knock, knock, knockin' on Charlene's door. Knock, knock, knockin' on Charlene's door. Knock, knock, knockin' on Charlene's door. Mama, put my guns in the ground,I can't shoot them anymore. That long black cloud is comin' down, I feel like I'm knockin' on Charlene's door.

Gimme Some Water

OK Miss Charlene McSippy, it's looks like it's down to just you and me! Chew-Mee is out of the game, when that He/She - Bastard/Bitch went and voted for JoJo Monkey's song. So, since you are 'Back in the Saddle Again' and we are in an Old Western Shoot-Out, what do you say to all the songs from now till midnight being western themed? Now, 'Gimme Some Water' because I about to blast your ass off the Mexican border!

On being Gimped...by Emily Fisher

Big Surprise for the Mermaid!
You know how I've been feeling somewhat used, unloved, and forgotten, locally, since my return? Well, today I had a wonderful surprise that obliterated those feelings (for now, at least).
Let me see if I can explain this. Louise SlutMonkey is a randy sock monkey who lives in Bisbee, the next town over -- 45 miles from me. I don't see her much, since I rarely leave the house, but whenever I do run into her I always know it'll be a good time, though there's never any guarantee no one will get hurt.
You see, Louise was born to push the envelope, does everything in excess. She's always in search of a good time, but there's often fall out. Considering her booze and drug intake, and the fact that she doesn't have the best judgement, it's no surprise that she's usually her own worst enemy. She's that monkey ho everyone wants to party with, as long as they keep a good grip on their wallets, to say nothing of their stash.
Louise SlutMonkey has a parade of victims a mile long, but she's always looking for a new one. She recently made a "friend" who is so enamored there's nothing he won't do for her. I don't know what his name was previous to taking up with Louise, but she's beaten the hell out of him so many times he's now just known as "Gimmpy". She's also chained him up, and he clearly likes it.
So, here's the thing. Once Louise SlutMonkey saw Gimmpy in chains, she got an idea. She decided he'd be a ChainMail/ChainLetter Monkey, meaning she'd drag him around in chains and drop him off with some unsuspecting fool who'd have to add an item to his outfit before passing him along. I'd heard something about this, but hadn't paid much attention, as it was some more of those Bisbee shenanigans that don't really affect me, way out here the other side of Douglas.
But today as I was fixing some lunch I heard weird animalistic moans outside. Cora Belle wasn't barking so I didn't pay any attention until I realized it was getting closer, and went outside to investigate. Low and behold, there was Louise SlutMonkey, dragging Gimmpy along in his chains. She was slurring so much I'm not sure exactly what she said, but I think it was, "This l'il bitch is all yours now, so dress him up and kick his ass out!" I detected a strong urine smell, and was just wondering if she'd pissed herself when she stumbled over some rocks and passed out.
Big Brass and Chew Mee had come along for the long ride in the Flying Tiger, and Big Brass was kind enough to lend me this:(See slideshow on Big Brass' blog)
Here's Gimmpy in his new, temporary home (See above pic). As you can see, he's already making friends. He's got a taste for foul-mouthed bitches, so Louise better watch out.
I've already figured out what to add to Gimmpy's outfit, but I won't show you until I've rehydrated him, patched him up a bit, and handed him off to the next victim. I'd hate to spoil the surprise.

Godzilla

Louise AKA Godzilla VS. Charlene AKA Bambi

That Smell

Charlene needs to go and buy......

Whip It

"Crack that whip, Give the Gimp the slip, Step on a crack, Break Louise Monkey's back, When the Gimp comes along, You must whip him, Before his cream sits out too long, You must whip him, When he has done something wrong, You must whip him, Now whip him, Into shape, Shape hin up, Get straight, Go forward, Move ahead, Try to detect it, It's not too late, To whip him, Whip him good, When a good time turns around, You must whip him, You will never live it down, Unless you whip him, No Gimp gets away, Until they whip him, I say whip him, Whip him good!"

Thursday, January 8, 2009

More SNL

Will it Make me Sweat?

James brown celebrity hottub
Uploaded by codordog

Whew, is it me or is all this competition driving the heat up?! It's defiantly getting, "Hot, in the Hot Tub.... Yeah!" (Submitted by Jess)

The Cowboy Song

GIMPED

Going Moblie Baby!

What's this? An empty hole? With only drinky bird and a dry martini glass.This can only mean one thing! OMG! 'Fire in the Hole' is "Going Moblie" this does not look good........

And how could I add a Who song without adding this one as well Baba!

Tropical Hot Dog Night

Tropical Hot Dog Night like Louise and Charlene in a fruit fight.......

Gimme A Bullet / Gone Shootin'

It would be fun to post songs all day, but I must go on a Secrect Mission with Big Brass of the HCA soon. That involves Gimpy the Bondage Socking Monkey, The Jeepster P-40 Flying Tiger, 1 Vodka/Gas Pump and a Shotgun.(MMM I wonder why Jesse did not want to go?) So Gimme A Bullet because Big Brass and I have Gone Shootin' XOXO Chew-Mee